


The Samwell Dragon Caves

by WhydYouMakeHotNoodlesOnSuchAHotDay



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Dragons, M/M, Power Dynamics, Sandwiches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 13:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20546978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhydYouMakeHotNoodlesOnSuchAHotDay/pseuds/WhydYouMakeHotNoodlesOnSuchAHotDay
Summary: Real-life dragons have just been found near Samwell. Bitty, as captain of the hockey team, would be a natural leader for the dragon-finding expedition, but his dreams and incipient feelings toward Dex are getting in the way...





	The Samwell Dragon Caves

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, I have no plans to continue this, but this was weird enough that I figured it should be posted. The story is based on:  
1) Possible dragons north of Samwell: https://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/71463082574  
2) A cranberry turkey sandwich that I ate

1.  
Bitty found himself in the year 1740, in the court of Lord William J. Poindexter, the 4th Earl of Sandwich. Bitty stood at the entrance in his normal 21st century clothes, while Dex/the Earl of Sandwich sat in his throne. 

"Eric of Bittle!" said Dex. "Come! Come!"

Eric walked across the stone floor to the throne. He noticed Dex was, shockingly for the time, wearing just a single layer of shirt, in addition to his breeches and so forth. 

"Eric of Bittle," said Dex. "Your reputation as a pastry chef precedes you." He stared into Bitty's eyes, making him feel warm and a little nervous inside. 

"Thank you, Lord Sandwich," said Bitty. 

"It appears that you have something for me in your hand," said Dex. 

Bitty found himself holding a piece of mincemeat pie on a plate. 

"Uh, I have a piece of pie," said Bitty, unsure of why he was holding it, but it wouldn't be the first time pie seemed to appear out of nowhere. "It's still hot."

"Hm!" grunted Dex. He picked up a glass goblet. "What is a pie?" Dex threw his goblet to the floor. "A miserable little pile of... something you have to eat with a knife and fork. Let me show you something, an idea I had which I conveyed to my chef."

Dex motioned to a guard by the entrance, who left and soon returned with a chef, who was carrying a plate of something covered by a white cloth. The chef brought the plate to Dex. The chef then yanked off the white cloth, unveiling a sandwich with turkey, cranberry sauce, lettuce, mayonnaise, and brie on ciabatta bread, split in half with a couple of frilly toothpicks inserted. 

"Your culinary suggestion was excellent," said the chef. "You have really outdone yourself. What do you call it?"

"I don't know," said Dex. "I'll think of something. But first, I would like to have Eric of Bittle's opinion. I had the cranberries and the turkeys imported from the New World, and the brie was imported from, well, Brie. Have a bite!"

A small plate with the sandwich was placed in front of Bitty. 

"If you will pardon me," said Dex/the Earl of Sandwich, "I will take off my shirt, as it is hot." He did so. The chef raised his eyebrows but said nothing. As Bitty lifted the sandwich toward his mouth, he couldn't help but notice Dex/the Earl's six-pack abs and happy trail. 

Bitty bit into the sandwich. He was afraid to admit it, but it was delicious. He looked again at the shirtless Earl, who was looking at him and grinning. "There's more where this came from," Dex said. 

And then Bitty woke up. 

\------  
2.

Later that February morning, Bitty was on a run, when his phone buzzed. He stopped and looked at his phone. Samwell University had issued a warning via text-messaging:

A BEAR HAS BEEN FOUND ON CAMPUS. PLEASE DO NOT ENGAGE.

Bitty then checked out the team's group chat, and found everyone was discussing plans to form an expedition to look for the bear. He ran back to the Haus. Everyone was discussing whose car they were going to take. Suddenly they all got another text message from the university:

ALL CLEAR. THE SITUATION WITH THE LARGE RACCOON HAS BEEN RESOLVED.

They fell silent, disappointed. Nothing to do. Then Bitty spoke up. 

"Here's a thought, y'all. We should do a camping trip. Maybe in the woods up north?"

Everyone silently exchanged glances. "I don't know," said Nursey. "Is there going to be pie... or _sandwiches_?" Nursey stared at Bitty. 

Earlier that morning, Bitty had happened to mention to Chowder that he was considering switching from making pies all the time to focusing more on sandwiches. _Uh, okay..._ Chowder had said. Word spread. 

"Don't worry, guys, I will not stop making pies. What I said to Chowder was just... a thought which came to me last night."

"You can't deny Reubens are good," said Dex, who looked at Bitty and nodded. Dex's eyes made him feel warm and a little nervous inside. 

\-----  
3.

After Bitty assured his teammates that he would keep making pies but that sandwiches were more appropriate for a camping trip, they made plans and left. 

Bitty, Dex, Nursey, Chowder, Whiskey, and Tango hiked north along an informal trail through woods which were shrouded with fog, still barren from the winter, and whose ownership was, legally, a little ambiguous. It was cold, a little above freezing, but there was no snow. They were approaching an area by the Samwell River where people went to hang out and drink in warmer months, when they saw these large animal footprints in the mud, which pointed toward a path of flattened vegetation. "Whoa," said Dex. "Let's see what's over there." 

They followed the path, which soon traced the outside of a large grassy field and which seemed to end at a cave entrance. The team walked along the edge of the woods until they were close enough to see inside the cave. Shifting, shadowy figures could be seen inside. 

"Dragons!" said Chowder. The shadowy figures crept into the light, and sure enough, three small gray dragons, goose-sized, were near the cave entrance. They watched the team cautiously, their scaley wings folded. 

"I had no idea dragons even existed," said Bitty. 

"Where have you been?" said Dex. "It was all over the news. Scientists discovered several dragon lairs in eastern Massachusetts just a couple weeks ago. Time Magazine called it the finding of the century, although personally, I think they're overstating things. I mean, they're just dragons, it's not like we landed on the moon or something."

"I...I had no idea!" said Bitty. "I guess I just didn't pay much attention to the news." It occurred to Bitty that all the joking about dragons on the group chat might not have been a complete joke. 

"You didn't hear about dragons being discovered?" said Nursey, "Oh man, just wait until you find out who our President is. And wait until I tell you what happened to David Bowie."

"Wait, did something happen to him?" said Bitty. 

Everyone laughed. Bitty felt embarrassed. 

"Hold on," said Dex. "I'm going to get a closer look."

Dex walked closer to the little dragons, who scurried away from the entrance into the field. Dex crept closer to the entrance and looked in from the outside. 

"Dex!" shouted Nursey. 

A much larger dragon, maybe the size of an elephant standing on another elephant, was charging toward the cave entrance, running in big plodding, thundering steps from off in the distance, its figure with outstretched wings just starting to become visible through the fog. 

"Dex, get out of there!" shouted Nursey. 

Dex turned and saw the big dragon. He ran like hell back toward the team. The dragon quickly approached the entrance and stopped. It turned its head and sprayed a flaming gel toward Dex in what looked like a warning shot. Dex ducked and covered his head, but the covered flaming gel got on Dex's clothes and started fires. Dex stripped down to his boxers and shoes and ran toward the team. The dragon stood guard in front of the entrance. 

"Shit!" said Dex, catching his breath. "I'm okay, guys." Dex turned toward the charred remains of his jacket, shirt, and pants. "Aw, shit, my clothes are ruined. I'm freezing." He turned toward Bitty and laughed. "I bet you don't mind, do you Bitty?"

"I, um, it would, it wouldn't be, you know, prudent, I mean, um... Oh, gosh." Bitty blushed. Everyone stared at Bitty. The dragon cocked its head to the side. "Ahem. Before we forget, we should, um, take some photos of the dragon before we leave."

"I think we need to take full advantage of this situation," said Dex. "Photos and videos are good, but I think we could get some really good money if we captured some DNA samples or something. Apparently there's a ban on scientific dragon expeditions since too many scientists have, um, met their demises. So there's a pretty big demand for dragon DNA. Amateurs have looked, but apparently there's an underground network of caves which allows the dragons to escape from one cave to another if they've been discovered. At least, that's the theory. So if we're going to get dragon DNA or other information, we need to do it now." 

Dex looked around, then continued. "How 'bout we delegate some tasks? Chowder, how about you're in charge of taking video? Tango, you're in charge of media. You contact CNN, local news, and so forth. Whiskey, you call biology departments and ask how much they're willing to pay for dragon DNA. Nursey, you look up everything you can about dragons. I'll figure out how we're actually going to get dragon DNA without getting killed." Everyone looked at him wide-eyed, but promptly obeyed. 

Bitty couldn't help but notice that, suddenly, Dex was now in charge, and that Bitty hadn't been assigned a task. Bitty felt weak and embarrassed. He knew nothing about dragons, and everyone had just seen how, for some reason, his brain just went haywire when confronted by a shirtless Dex. Not to mention that people were still a little grumpy at his suggestion that he would focus more on sandwiches. 

As everyone went to work on their specific tasks, Bitty approached Dex. 

"Hey, Dex," said Bitty. Dex was still in his boxers. "Is there anything I should do? And do you want my jacket? You've got to be freezing."

"Nah, I'll be fine," said Dex. "But there is something I wanted to talk with you about. Can we take a short walk?"

"Uh, sure," said Bitty. Dex told everyone else he'd be back soon, and he and Bitty walked along the path they'd followed earlier until everyone else was out of sight. 

"So, Bitty," said Dex. "I really respect your leadership as captain of the hockey team--"

"Thanks, I appreciate it," said Bitty.

"--and I was wondering if I could be a co-captain. I mean, not a literal co-captain, but an effective one. We would take turns leading the team."

Bitty stopped and turned toward Dex. "Dex... I'm sorry, but there was a vote, and rules are rules."

Dex cleared his throat. "Let me try this again. I've seen the way you look at me. If you make me a co-captain, you can do whatever you want with my body."

Bitty was stunned. His brain issued an order to his mouth to reject this offer, an order that was never carried out. 

"Perhaps you'd like a test-drive?" said Dex. "Feel my abs." 

Bitty slowly reached out his hand to Dex's stomach. Dex gently brought Bitty’s hand to his abs, which felt cool to the touch. Dex then pushed Bitty's hand down toward his boxers. 

Bitty yanked his hand back. "I have a boyfriend, Dex."

"What is a man?" said Dex. "A beautiful little pile of secrets. I'm sure a guy like Jack will understand that sometimes a guy like you needs an outlet for when he's not around. You get something. I get something. It all works out." 

Bitty didn't say anything. 

"I'll let you think about it," said Dex. Bitty couldn't help but notice Dex's cock was straining against his boxers. "I guess we should get back and see how the team is doing monitoring that dragon. I wonder how much money we're going to get?"

"Is there any task I could help with?" said Bitty. 

"I think I've already made that clear," said Dex. "Let me know if you're willing to make a deal."


End file.
